When Life Crumbles Apart

I'm going to be transparent and vulnerable for a moment. I don't like being transparent; I much prefer to simply keep it inside privately. However, this past week, the pain and struggles have been so immense and intense that it's leaked out publicly through tears at the office, at home with my family, backstage at choir rehearsal, in staff meeting, at the doctor's office, and I've simply just been a terrible hot mess and likely not the most pleasant person to be around. Perhaps my vulnerability can help someone else who is struggling in life. Doors to dreams slamming shut, intense pain filling life's every crevice, hitting dense walls despite best efforts to break through difficulty, and at the end of the day sinking exhausted into a well of solitude and suffering. This has described my past few weeks, maybe even my past year and life is simply catching up with me. Either way, I'm having a hard time in life right now, and there's no way to sugarcoat that. It's widely known that folks feel uncomfortable when expression of negativity in life is made. You know the age old question, "How are you doing?" and a positive response is quietly demanded. Yet, this revelation of trials and tribulations pulls back the mask to allow others to peek underneath and see what exactly is holding the person up and keeping them going. For me, it's Jesus Christ. Despite my troubles, my frustrations, my sorrow, my anger, my restless mind, and my aching body, Jesus is my Rock, my Sustainer, my Morning Star, my Savior, and my Shepherd. He guides me through the valley of the shadow of death and His rod and staff comfort me, a sorrowful, struggling, stumbling little sheep, as I know they will keep me on the right path in life. I don't have any prolific writing to share at this time as my brain is still sifting thorough life, but I did pen this poem to refocus my chaotic mind. I hope it encourages you in your life and urges you to cling to Christ. Without Him, we are guaranteed to drown in life's troubles.

I know Your promises and know Your loving truth

I see it written in Scripture, yet my mind still spins

My mind is full of fear, and confusion is introduced

Where do things end and where do they begin?

I try to make sense of the life in front of me

I keep trying to move forward, yet it seems in vain

My eyes are wide open and yet I can’t see

It seems every decision I make only leads to pain

I hear voices of reason and thoughts are shared

I listen with eagerness, hoping for clear direction

I see hands stretched out to help in loving care

But I push them away, stuck in a prison of frustration

I bow my head and fold my hands in desperate prayer

I try to clear away every wild thought and focus on You

I try to be still and quiet and know that You’re there

Try to take thoughts captive and have my mind renewed

Yet words can’t seem to be spoken, my mind runs rampant

I’m in tears and all alone, I’m hurting and I feel so lost

Where am I going, what am doing? My spirit is dampened

I’m so weary from life’s struggle, I’m beyond exhausted

The world is shattered in pieces and drowning in the fire

Please, God, give all who are so weary peace and calm

People I love all around me are sinking in the deep mire

Please, God, save us with Your steady, everlasting arms

In the dark night alone, my mind heavy with thought

Eyes brimming with tears, I’m ready to just end the fight

Please, God make hideous doubt flee my feeble heart!

Oh little faith, why are you hiding? Come into the light!

Fear is from the devil, but faith is from the Lord I must trust in my Shepherd, not in my clouded vision

Imprint Your truth in my heart, forever to be stored Help me have courage and not give up on Your mission

When everything in life seems to crumble apart

Let me cling to only You, my mighty fortress

Show me the mercies of Your steadfast heart

May Your grace sustain me through the darkness